I’ve been having a continuous dialogue with black women as of late about how black men perceive them. I feel this dialogue is one filled with finger pointing, sometimes bitterness, a general lack of understanding, but beneath it all a willingness to want to understand each other. We’re rapidly approaching a fork in the road. To the left there is this general, “I give up,” let it be, if it comes it comes. And, to the right, sympathy for each other, trying to find a place where we can just BE together.
I personally want to drive my love bug around the bend to the right, but the issues are deeply rooted. Let me give the general gripe black women have with black men (as if we all aren’t aware). Black men are inconsistent, we aren’t stepping up to the plate when taking care of business (taking care of kids, financially, education, etc.), we are unfaithful, and when we do take care of our business we get the big head and stray away from our black women.
Man, we sound bad. I don’t buy it all, but I can concede to some of those things. Black men are dropping the ball, I look around and see black women in higher education, scholars, making moves and all the while making money. But it isn’t completely one-sided. I think that women and men alike create these fictions for ourselves. We come to conclusions about each other rather then take each other individually as we come.
Black men are attracted to all women for the most part. True most black men want to be with a black woman, but we are attracted to them all. If we come upon a Hispanic, Asian, Indian, etc., and we are attracted to them, its on and popping. This decreases the pool for eligible black men for black women and let’s face it some black women don’t like that. Also, its particularly disheartening when our white counterparts are marrying and dating at a much higher rate.
What is wrong with us? A question I rarely hear but lately has been popping up in this continuous “there are no good men out here” conversation. Its human nature to point the finger at other people when things don’t go your way. Its comes down to supply and demand I think, but I’m not totally convinced that these women are really wanting to find a good guy. So much to talk about, there will be a part two. I need some feedback.
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2 Responses to “Fork in the Road”
interesting… my boyfriend and i have a conversations about this all the time. we cant blame it all on black men. i think PEOPLE in general have their problems. one thing that i will say is we as a people need to start working together more. our culture has played a BIG part in the downfall of the black family unit. i think we need to work on that first. everything all stems back to the family unit.
I agree Elle…the black family is in deep turmoil. Our men are in jail, we are juggling school and work and our kids are being raised by their grandparents. It starts with the unit and spreads through the generations. One day we will get it right!
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