So…I’m a friend-in-law.
I never thought I’d be one, but damnit…looks like they might be filling up those glasses in hell with a nice artesian tap a lot faster than I thought.

What exactly is a friend-in-law?
A female who is friends with a man that has girlfriend. Friend-in-laws are typically in place long before the guy ever thought of wife-ing his present love interest and will be there after he’s decided that she may or may not be the one. While friend-in-laws do not intentionally look to beef with their boy’s girlfriend, said girlfriend does not necessarily feel the same.

A friend-in-law has no romantic interest WHATSOEVER in her homeboy, primarily because she knows most of, if not all of the holes that he’s willingly filled; and also because crossing that line could leave a icky little residue on the friendship. The friend-in-law, in no way shape or form wants to be wifey, and ultimately is most concerned about not only making sure that her boy is happy, but making sure he’s tryna be the best man that he can be.

A friend-in-law is a confidant, that typically only gives advice when asked and refrains from making value judgments about her boy’s significant other based on the facts that he may or may not present. A friend-in-law doesn’t even have to interact with the wifey at all, but wouldn’t mind forming an amiable relationship with the woman that he boy is choosing to share his life with.

Friend-in-law and wifey beef is usually started when wifey begins to question the intentions of the friend-in-law, not realizing that in most cases, the friend-in-law is not tryna take her place…there really should be room enough for everyone. While wifey will not directly confront the friend-in-law, in most case she will interrogate her man about the “nature” of the relationship with his friend-in-law. He says she’s his best friend and not going anywhere…she says she’s all the best friend he needs and she can’t understand the need for keeping the friend-in-law around. Based on the outcome of the conversation wifey will say she’s cool with it, but 11 times out of 10…ole girl is gonna have beef and ain’t nothing you can do about it.

*sigh*

Friend-in-laws unite!! Join me in my chant, “GIRL PLEASE…I DON’T WANT YOUR MAN…HE’S MY BOY…RECOGNIZE!!!!’

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Perception is reality.  This is a trite and very cliché saying, but
I’ll be derned if it aint true.  The way we perceive life, the
circumstances surrounding the things that happen to us and whether we
can differentiate that from the things we do to ourselves has a great
deal with how we maneveur through life.  I’m convinced that the way we
perceive things bears heavily on where we go in life.

Or sometimes… a warped perception can just make you look like a fool.
I wrote a poem about it…wanna hear it?  Where here it go…

Its like two left shoes

They are both very important in their own right

But put together they’ll steer you funny

That wink was just a wind blowing a misconception your way

It just used my eye to do it

I was staring and smiling

But check your shoe

The bathroom gods were playing a trick on you

I bit my lip cause I had gum on it

Not the come hither look

I’m just wondering why you have on snake skin boots

That must be the slither look

Irregardless, despite, notwithstanding

My signal was crisscrossed in the mix

I didn’t mean to lead you on, or steer you astray

My frequency is off, or my wires are crossed

Because, irregardless, despite, and notwithstanding

What you thought

I wasn’t calling you

That was a cough.

Hold tight, not all hope is lost

You may find a new love

Because your signals were crossed

And although you may do your best to decipher

We are not all on the same wave-length

If you’re reading into actions too deep

Let it go, don’t waste sleep

Or be like me, and play it safe

Cause any signal that isn’t clear

May leave you picking up your face.

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I’ve been listening to “No Idea” by Algebra Blessett on repeat…I guess you can say ole girl has hit a nerve and has made me ask all over again…can men and women…just be friends. Here’s another oldie but goodie as I marinate on this for a second….

The first issue that we need to address is why people become friends anyway. I’d like to make the conjecture that friendship is a basic form of attraction. We’re attracted to someone for one reason or another and form a bond around that attraction. When we’re younger its usually around some similarity…like yall both can play checkers…or yall like playing tether ball…or yall both like red…you know something simple. As we mature, our friendships are hopefully based on something more emotionally meaningful.

I’m thinking about the men that I’ve remained friends with since childhood and I can’t even really remember how we became friends. All I know is that we are friends and have remained that way for what feels like years. They’re all like my big brothers and I love them for who they are…we’ve grown up together and have also grown together.

Now…I guess the next step would be to address making friends with men as an adult. It is my understanding, and this is from multiple discussion with dudes, that men are first on some level physically attracted to women based on some rubric of what they consider to be attractive and then must make a decision of whether to 1. Try to cut something 2. Wife her or 3. Place her in the homegirl category because he really has no chance in hell. Look I’m not claiming this to be 100% accurate…I’m just telling yall what I’ve been told.

I can only tell yall that as an adult…I don’t recall being attracted to more than like a couple of my homeboys that I’ve made in adulthood (over 21 years old). I think they’re all great guys, but I usually know wayyyy too much about my boys because they consider me one of the boys and they tend to reserve all that tongue biting and fu fu mess for girls that they’re tryna cut or wife. Most of my boys have told me that our friendships work because I’m not typical chick…I’m not above thinking like them…lol…whatever that means. I also (as previously mentioned in Where Not to Meet Men in Atlanta note) make a concerted attempt not to get involved with my male friends’ friends…been there, done that…I don’t believe in having people in the middle of stuff..plus there’s a strong likelihood that if they’re aces, you’re gonna see his friend again…which might not be that great..depending on how things end up.

Have I crossed the line with a friend? Once. Ok 1.5 times, but we really should dismiss that .5 because, uhm…we really should. That one time only even happened because dude was tryna disguise his intent to cut with friendship. I’m like this…if you’re honest from jump…we don’t have to play no damn games. I have to do way to much thinking on a reg to have to worry about stuff like that. Honesty will usually garner you a much better reward. Am I still friends with dude? Naw…which is sad cuz he was cool, and although we tried…hey reason…season…lifetime

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I apologize for the absence last week (I was in the midst f finals), this week I’m going to speak on four different topics briefly. Depending on responses I might go further in depth.

Is Barack Obama single-handedly bringing light-skinned men back? Are the old days of Chico Debarge dodging panties on stage coming back like Member’s Only jackets? As a light-skinned man myself, I don’t believe so, however it’s something to think about. Let’s face it, we’ve been on a smooth hiatus since at least 1989 (and I was 7 years old). I hope it does because I need some assistance.

Pretty faces are like kryptonite to most guys. Heck I’ve fallen victim to a pretty face a time or two. But as I grow older I’m understanding that beauty fades, and if you rely on a pretty face (this can go for men and women, I’ve been said I’m a member of the He-Man Women Haters Club), then it can only take you so far. There is always a prettier face or a more attractive person out there.

Is it just me, or is this season of the Real World probably the worst cast in the Real World history. Let me run it down, there is a recovering meth addict, recovering alcoholic and a racist, and the show is STILL not very interesting. I know we are only in the first couple of episodes, but come on Real World casting staff. You at least came with a sexy chick or two, and someone we love to hate.

So I guess this relates to the second topic, but what’s up with the glorified video chick. I’m seeing interviews, a lot of these women have college educations and seem to have heads on their shoulders. Now I don’t want to seem like the white person, who is surprised that black people are articulate, but you graduate from college to be a video vixen? What woman really broke into the business and became successful taking the video vixen path? Sex sells, but who’s paying?

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