I’ve been listening to “No Idea” by Algebra Blessett on repeat…I guess you can say ole girl has hit a nerve and has made me ask all over again…can men and women…just be friends. Here’s another oldie but goodie as I marinate on this for a second….
The first issue that we need to address is why people become friends anyway. I’d like to make the conjecture that friendship is a basic form of attraction. We’re attracted to someone for one reason or another and form a bond around that attraction. When we’re younger its usually around some similarity…like yall both can play checkers…or yall like playing tether ball…or yall both like red…you know something simple. As we mature, our friendships are hopefully based on something more emotionally meaningful.
I’m thinking about the men that I’ve remained friends with since childhood and I can’t even really remember how we became friends. All I know is that we are friends and have remained that way for what feels like years. They’re all like my big brothers and I love them for who they are…we’ve grown up together and have also grown together.
Now…I guess the next step would be to address making friends with men as an adult. It is my understanding, and this is from multiple discussion with dudes, that men are first on some level physically attracted to women based on some rubric of what they consider to be attractive and then must make a decision of whether to 1. Try to cut something 2. Wife her or 3. Place her in the homegirl category because he really has no chance in hell. Look I’m not claiming this to be 100% accurate…I’m just telling yall what I’ve been told.
I can only tell yall that as an adult…I don’t recall being attracted to more than like a couple of my homeboys that I’ve made in adulthood (over 21 years old). I think they’re all great guys, but I usually know wayyyy too much about my boys because they consider me one of the boys and they tend to reserve all that tongue biting and fu fu mess for girls that they’re tryna cut or wife. Most of my boys have told me that our friendships work because I’m not typical chick…I’m not above thinking like them…lol…whatever that means. I also (as previously mentioned in Where Not to Meet Men in Atlanta note) make a concerted attempt not to get involved with my male friends’ friends…been there, done that…I don’t believe in having people in the middle of stuff..plus there’s a strong likelihood that if they’re aces, you’re gonna see his friend again…which might not be that great..depending on how things end up.
Have I crossed the line with a friend? Once. Ok 1.5 times, but we really should dismiss that .5 because, uhm…we really should. That one time only even happened because dude was tryna disguise his intent to cut with friendship. I’m like this…if you’re honest from jump…we don’t have to play no damn games. I have to do way to much thinking on a reg to have to worry about stuff like that. Honesty will usually garner you a much better reward. Am I still friends with dude? Naw…which is sad cuz he was cool, and although we tried…hey reason…season…lifetime
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