Regretfully

Have you ever done something and knew you would regret it?  Like

absolutely in the moment, mind racing telling you, "Dang, are you

kidding right now?  I'm shocked at you…I mean I'm shocked at myself,

heck I'm shocked at you, because I don't know you anymore."  When I

look back over my life, I have made some major changes in my life

based on a lesson I learned from a situation I regretted (I'll revisit

this later).  I might regret this, but here we go.

Alright, you're fresh out of a bad situation.  You have a moment of

clarity that only comes when you've completely messed up.  Depending

on who you are this comes at different times.  You could be in the

mix, out the mix, mixed in, out-mixed, heck it could be years later,

but there is something about regret that sticks with you.  Pondering

shoulda, coulda, woulda's, replaying other scenarios in your head, and

hitting yourself in the forehead.

Let's go to the play-by-play.  When the next couple of days or weeks

go by (depending on the severity of the lapse in good reason), you

think about it and shake your head, or an audible "WOW" comes out and

people ask you what you're WOWing about.  You usually say nothing, or

just say I'm thinking about something from earlier, lie and say you

forgot to do something and you were WOWing at your forgetfulness.

Laying in your bed thinking, or throughout the day you talk to

yourself saying things like:

"I can't believe I said that."

"Wow, I'm embarrassed."

"Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"I don't know what came over me."

"[Explicative]!"

"What's wrong with you [Your name here], Momma didn't raise you like that."

"I know better then that, what was I thinking."

"Man…I'm never drinking again."

It's usually followed up by a sorry, but more likely a realization

that you might need to make some changes in your decisions making

skills.  It might lead to you avoiding some place or someone because

you are reminded by that regret every time you see him/her.  Or like

most of my regrets, a contemplation on what needs to change in my life

to get back on track.  Maybe that jacked up situation is just a segue

to a new and better you.

I'm always leery of the truthfulness of people who say they don't have

any regrets.  I definitely can understand not wanting to live with

regrets and living life to the fullest, I get that.  And I'm not

saying that I don't believe people who say that they don't regret

anything, because if it wasn't for that "situation" they wouldn't have

"learned" what they did, or the "experience" was worth it.  I get that

too, but as imperfect as we all are, regret is inevitably a part of

life, and I hope I see less and less of them as I grow older.

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